I SMELL FIRE

I smell smoke…

Well this is long overdue!  It’s been a while since I graced the pages of my wife’s blog, so to get back into the swing of things I thought I would do a how-to post.

What would be more appropriate with summer upon us, than a few lines on how to make a fire?

One of modern man’s crowning jewels was the discovery of fire!  Harnessing the raw power of wild fire and domesticating it to do my bidding!  That sounds awesome, doesn’t it?  I have compiled a small guide on how to do this for yourself.  Now this is by no means the most comprehensive guide around but I think there is enough in here to get you on your way.


 

I SMELL FIRE

I met my wife and realised that despite the fact she was a very strong independent woman there were still a few things that I could teach her…  Before all the social justice warriors come to break down my door wielding pitchforks and torches, I don’t mean she can’t do these things, she just perhaps had never been taught how to!

Now, I do realise that there are a fair number of women out there who do not have the slightest interest in learning the things I’m going to mention.  Give me a chance and trust me, some of these skills will come in handy!  For example, I had no interest in learning about skin cream, but I gave my wife a chance and HEY PRESTO guess who now uses a face cream (which reminds me I learned that body cream is not meant for the face)… who’d have thunk it!  There are certain things that I will never change, and using Dove soap on my face is one of them….  The ad on TV said I can, so there!!!  Those women splashing water on their faces in the most irrational way possible looked pretty happy about life.  In the same way as I choose Dove, you may never use this information, but hey… at least you know.

I SMELL FIRE

Right let’s begin, I will try and make this as interesting as possible so stick with me….

LET’S MAKE A FIRE

Firstly, let me say all you need are firelighters and either charcoal or wood. Charcoal is better than briquettes in the same way Guess is different from Pep, technically they do the same thing… but do they really.  Make a fire with both and you’ll notice why I have my preference.

Wood… always remember DRY!  Please for the love of all that is holy, do not if possible buy petrol station wood, you can do this, but should you?  When Leonardo painted the Mona Lisa he didn’t use a mop and his feet and say “That’ll do….” No, no it won’t.

I SMELL FIRE

Whether you’re using wood or charcoal, one need not use enormous amounts of firelighters. For any fire, two rows of fire lighters broken into pieces about the size of a match box will do.  Place them evenly apart, and then surround the firelighters (using your hands, sorry girls) with coal leaving space to light them.  Once lit, carefully place coal on top as to not put out the fire.  Use gloves for this if you would like to keep your hands and nails intact. Please don’t dump the coal out of the bag onto the firelighters.  For wood use the same process but start with small wood pieces and wait for the fire to build up before adding larger wood pieces.  Alternatively start the fire with coal and when it’s going, place wood on top.  This is the way I like to do it as a fail-safe.

If the fire goes out or seems to be dying, you can add a few more pieces of firelighter to kick start it up again or give it some more air either by blowing or if so inclined, you could use your hairdryer to get it going.

Please do not use those gel firelighters, especially when the fire is already alight. In your quest to chase away the gods of cold and dark you will fail and succeed only in chasing away the gods of fingers and opposable thumbs.

And what goes together better with a well-made fire than a good steak – stay tuned for my next instalment to find out how!!!

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